24 weeks

***UPDATE***

yesterday i went to my routine, bi-weekly check up with my MFM for a quick growth scan of the babies and to have my cervix measured. 

the babies look great. baby boy weighs in at 1 lb 7 oz and baby Star weighs is at 1 lb 8oz.

but my cervix had gone down to 2.5 cm which is no longer in the good range...it's when they start to worry....it was even shorter, 2cm, when they pushed on my uterus. my dr then did a pelvic exam and found i was dilated about 1 cm. so i was sent to labor and delivery to be monitored to see if i was contracting. they found that i was having tiny contractions (or "irritability" of the uterus as they call it. not full blown contractions.)

so they started me on an IV and some meds to stop anything from progressing. i was also immediately given a steroid shot for babies lungs just in case i were to deliver soon.

i got there about 2:30 and a short few hours later my OB came in and checked me again and said i was more like 2 cm dilated and 90% effaced. so they sent me via ambulance around 8pm to a hospital with en excellent NICU... just to be safe. just in case.

so here it is 1:30 in the morning and i can't sleep. 

after all the people coming in to talk to us and all the monitoring and blood draws our room was finally empty and quiet at 12:30. 

alex is sleeping now and i'm writing.

my drs and nurses here are so so so great. 

i'm feeling very well taken care of and they are good at being realistic and not sugar coating the possibilities but also being positive and uplifting which helps me not freak out. 

at 24 weeks the chance of babies surviving earthside is 70%....but out of that 70% only 30% go on to live "normal" healthy lives. good news is every week (hell, every day) those chances go up and up.

my OB said they would keep me here until at least friday or saturday but since i've been at LG i'm getting the impression they may keep me much longer.....tho it really depends on how the next couple days go. either way i will definitely be on bed rest. 

it's going to be ok. our babies will be ok.

i keep telling myself that and i think i am really really starting to believe it.

but it's been a shock. 

everything was going so well. 

i almost canceled this appt yesterday because S was a little sick and i figured it could be put off.

so glad i didn't.

there have been no more changes since we've been here. 

the babies, especially baby girl are moving like crazy. making it literally impossible for them to get the 20 minutes of heart monitoring done. 

i'm just glad the dr isn't making me keep those on. so itchy! 

but they're not worried about the babies themselves. we're worried about keeping them in there.

i dropped scarlett off at my parents right after i left the MFM and she's been there ever since. 

having a sleepover at grandmas. she seems to be having a good time and i am so thankful my mom is close by and so willing and quick to help! thank you mom!!! and siblings!!!

we love you and are eternally grateful.

and of course alex didn't hesitate to leave work for the afternoon to go with me to the hospital.

which i knew he wouldn't but i'm grateful to have a partner like that. i'm also so glad he has bosses who are so understanding.

we were both in tears. it was honestly just so surprising it took time....is still taking time to process.

oh, and after hearing how upset alex was on the phone his dad and step mom jumped in the car to drive out to be with him/us. all our family is pretty great.

but i told the doc their names so now he's always calling them by their names and not baby a and b and i love it :)

they're gonna be ok.

i'm worried about alex and scarlett. 

so i ask for your prayers for my family. for our littlest, that they continue to be able to grow safely inside me for at least another 10 weeks. may as well make that 13 weeks :)

for our big sister girl, that while i am on bedrest she feels loved and secure and is able to understand what's happening and that it won't last forever. 

for my sweet husband, that his nerves would be calmed, that his anxiety would be none. that he would be overcome with peace and hope.

this is so so hard for him.

and me. that i will let go of my expectations for this summer. 

as of this morning i was told that when / if i go home i will be on bed rest.

i can get up to use the bathroom and get myself a quick something to eat but then i need to

be laying down.

i'm feeling really sad about missing out on this last summer as a family of three.

i wanted to do the beach and the zoo and hikes and gardening and the pool and cleaning and nesting for the babies. 

i will find other ways to make this summer fun for us. i know a lot of good will come from all of this and i have so much to be grateful for and i am.

and yes, i know it's only one short summer of our lives and that it will all be more than worth it. 

but right now, today, i'm sad. 

How far along? 24 weeks. about the length of an ear of corn.

Total weight gain: i'm at 160 so i think that makes 22 lbs.

Maternity clothes: yeah, mostly dresses and maxi skirts.

Sleep: um...it's been ok.

Symptoms: indigestion still. uncomfortable belly/rib area.

Favorite moment this week: on monday scarlett had a high fever all day (mom of the year that my favorite moment starts with that) and was very sleepy. we spent the day on my chair, her laying on my lap, talking about random things and reading and her sleeping. she didn't seem in pain at all so it was just so relaxing and so refreshing to just sit and talk and nap and read all day.

Hardest moment this week: when my dr told me i was dilated a little bit and was going to send me to L&D. i started tearing up right away. thankfully he's a very empathetic.

Looking forward to: getting past the next few weeks and into safer territory for our babies.

ambulance ride from barrington to park ridge

alex sleeping last night.

24 weeks today. that's the contraction monitor under my pretty gown.
also, i can't figure out why this photo is so squishy. oh well.