comfort

some nights, like tonight, it takes a while to get scarlett to stay asleep. i will lay with her for an hour sometimes while she uses me as a pacifier. most of the time i thoroughly enjoy laying next to her, cuddling her...i take the time to pray for her and whisper words of life over her. but there are also times -- and tonight was one of those times -- that i don't enjoy it so much. i get impatient. i want her to let go of me so i can go get something done! or just relax without a baby attached to me! and then of course i feel guilty for feeling that way. but even in the few times that i have felt that way i would never change it for the world.

when she was first born i was so concerned about sleep training...and everything i read about that said DON'T nurse her to sleep. and don't be a human pacifier!  i tried not to. well. kind of. more like i vented to alex about how i didn't know how that would work and then would say "ok tonight i'm not gonna let her fall asleep while nursing"...aaaand then not so much lol. nursing her to sleep was easy and natural. just thinking about going against that made me frustrated so i gave up the whole idea of sleep training my baby (and have learned and realized so much since then that i don't even know what i was thinking in the beginning lol). we have been so much happier since then :)

honestly...i love and am thankful for being able to comfort scarlett by nursing. i love the bond we share because of it.

this is pretty much it...love this.


"You are not a pacifier; you are a Mom. You are the sun, the moon, the earth, you are liquid love, you are warmth, you are security, you are comfort in the very deepest aspect of the meaning of comfort.... but you are not a pacifier!"