could this post be more random?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves. ::Philippians 2:3::

this verse came to me just a couple minutes ago when i was thinking about starting a post on an issue that i feel strongly about (we'll just leave it at that). 

i wanted to share my views, my beliefs, my opinions...and ultimately why i'm right and you're wrong. 

thankfully while praying about the right words to use i saw, or rather God showed me, the motivation behind my desire to write about this. 

and i saw pride, selfishness, a strong need to prove a point...just plain and simple conceit.

one of these days i'll share...but not until my heart is in the right place. 

birthday

we had such a fun birthday day!

alex was not able to take the whole day off but he did come home a couple hours early!

with daddy before he had to leave for work. she had a really hard time
letting him go and he had a really hard time going.

it was pretty relaxed....scar woke up to a bunch of balloons in our room which she had a blast playing with right away and some birthday songs! then we started with a yummy breakfast and a couple presents from gramma and aunt kronky. 

yay, music!

alex's mom also came over for a little bit to hang out and my grandparents were in town for a couple days so  we had fun visiting with everyone.

after nap gramma had more presents for scar.

and then daddy came home!

we then went to april and claire's for dinner. 

and  then after getting home had some family time before bed.

i even took the day off from party prep! 

her party was a few days later and i don't think it could have turned out better! 

i am so grateful for everyone that made it so special.

birthday party post coming as soon as we get pictures! 

a birth story {Scarlett Grey}

so since i have not yet shared scarlett's birth story, i thought for her birthday i would.
...

i love birth stories. i love hearing momma's stories. and i love telling mine.

one reason i like telling my experience is because it was a good experience. 

{for a lot of people} there is so much fear associated with giving birth.

it seems we hear so much of the bad and so little of the good, the normal.

so i want to share a positive story :)

one that i am so grateful i have.

i have always known i wanted a natural, drug free childbirth. i felt confident that i could trust my body to do something it was designed to do.

i was definitely influenced greatly by my mom who had five natural childbirths. 

three being at home...and two of those babies were over 11 lbs. 

i am thankful for the example that i had in her.

onward!

on thursday, september 1st we went to see our midwives.

 i was 39 weeks 3 days.

 i had had what i think were braxton hicks contractions maaaybe twice. but other than that i hadn't felt anything. 

i was not going to have them check me because i thought i would just be disappointed that nothing was happening. but kristy, my midwife, said she would like to and honestly i was to curious to not know. 

 we were all surprised to find that i was 4cm dilated and 75% effaced! 

 she told us we would should have a baby that weekend.

 whaaaaaaat?

 alex and i just looked at eachother "we're actually going to be parents?"

it was very surreal.

 i got very anxious, excited and giddy.

alex and i linked arms and  i practically skipped out of the hospital :)

i went to work the next morning hoping i wouldn't be there long.

 but i was there all day...

drinking raspberry leaf tea...

hangin out with my kiddos

while bouncing on my excercise ball. 

saturday -- nothing's happening. nothing that i am feeling anyway.

by sunday i was starting to get a little upset and impatient. 

i am probably the most impatient person i know so being told i was going to HAVE MY BABY that weekend and then have that turn out to not be true?... i was getting very emotional and pissed at kristy for getting my hopes up. ha.

but late sunday night around 11 i started feeling contractions...the second i felt something i was so thrilled. 

I started timing it right away. they were about 20 minutes apart and pretty consistent.

 but honestly i was feeling like it was too good to be true...that i would actually have her so soon. 

up until kristy told me she was so sure that i would have her in the next few days i had prepared myself to be pregnant for at least 42 weeks. trusting she would come when she was ready. 

but i was so excited that something was happening i couldn't fall asleep.

 i ended up staying up all night while alex slept.
i wanted and needed him rested. i kept myself up and moving most of the night.

 i danced while i did laundry and walked around our apartment and prayed. 

I took a shower and shaved my legs in preparation. 

Throughout the night the closest my contractions got were like 7 minutes...but that only happened a couple times. they were usually about 10 minutes apart. 

i kept waiting for them to get consistantly closer and/or more painful before i called the hospital, as i wanted to labor as much at home as i could. but they never got any closer and were mainly just really uncomfortable, not painful.

{until my water broke}.

 in the early early morning i tried to sleep. but with each tightening of my belly i woke up.

 so that wasn't working so well. i was so tired tho that as soon as a contraction ended i was asleep.

 while i was laying in bed, exhausted and half asleep...i think around 7:45ish monday morning i felt a pop...like a balloon popped inside me.

  weirdest sensation ever. 

it startled me. And honestly kind of scared me for a second. thinking it must be my water breaking i look down and sure enough my sheets were wet. 

and as right after my water broke i felt the most pain i had ever felt in my life up until that point. 

i jumped up as best as i could and literally ran to the shower...which was just a quick waddle...without even thinking of waking alex up, who was laying right next to me.

that all happened in like 2 seconds.

i knew the hot water would give me some relief from the pain.

and it did.

i then yelled moaned for alex to wake up and come rescue me haha.

after what seemed like an hour but was really like 30 seconds, he woke up.

i was in so much pain.

and so suddenly.

my contractions were now only like a minute apart. if that.

i felt like i only had a few seconds of relief in between.

i could tell alex was worrying that they were so close and we were not at the hospital.

while i was still in the shower he was rushing to get dressed and called the hospital.

{he was so cute}

i then talked to a nurse for a minute and she was soo "okaaaay wellllll since you think your water broke you should probably come in i guess." 

you guess?!

i was just thinking, damn right i'm coming in! i'm about to have my baby! 

i was pretty, surprisingly, calm on the phone tho.

alex was trying to get me to get out of the shower but it hurt. 

and in those minutes after my water broke, while i was in the shower i got scared.

it just seemed to be happening so fast... i was nervous i wouldn't get to the hospital in time.

i was feeling very anxious.

i threw up twice in the shower.

probably a combination of pain and worry that i was going to have my baby in the car and that something was going to go terribly wrong.
it just happened seemed to happen so fast. 

{i will tell you right now that if alex can be convinced, which he can be, i want our next babies born at home}

anyway. i finally got out of the shower, with much help from my awesome hubby.

he had called our parents and my mom was now on the phone so i talked to her while walking to the car.

once out of the hot water and up walking--it hurt even worse and that was the first {and only} time i thought, 

"i don't know if i can do this."

i said it to my mom and to alex while we were in the car.

they both said something encouraging but i don't remember what.

i was very much focusing on relaxing my body. 

the tension would only make the pain worse and prolong labor.

and honestly it helped.

we made it to the hospital a little before 9am. we were only 10-15 minutes away which i was grateful for.

alex asked if i wanted him to drop me off at the entrance and then he would park the car real quick. i said no because i was feeling a little better and really didn't want him to leave my side. 

so we went to park. 

it really was not a far walk at all but as soon as i tried to get out of the car i changed my mind...

"maybe you should just drop me off..."

so that's what we did.

he walked in with me and we checked in and then once i was sitting he ran to park the car, promising he would run back to me.

i was feeling relief at being at the hospital.

it so helped me to relax and the pain to lessen.

while waiting for alex i was sitting in a chair by the receptionist...

she was so sweet. 

i guess i looked like i was about to pop because she asked if i would like a wheelchair.

i smiled and said no, i can walk. 

bahahaha.

when alex came back and i tried to walk, i realized i did not want to walk and he got me a wheelchair :)

i cuddled my body pillow close to me while we went up to the maternity ward.

we went to the 10th floor only to discover we were wrong and it was the 11th floor haha.

thankfully i was able to laugh about it.

finally we made it and the nurses were waiting and ready for us.

i remember thinking it seemed pretty empty and quiet on the floor that morning.

we got into our big birthing room. they had recently remodeled that floor and for a hospital, it was beautiful.

the nurse told me to get undressed and put on the ugly robe thing and then go pee in a cup and then she left.

alex helped me get undressed and get to the bathroom.

i could barely pee...it hurt and i could hardly move and i don't know if i even got any pee in the cup.

i made it to the bed and didn't want to move.

i have to say, as much pain as i was in, i was beyond thrilled. i was so happy.

this is the only picture i have during labor
and this was only like 20 minutes before she was born.
pretty hot.
 i meant that as in, i am so attractive.
but actually i was literally really hot and sweaty
and just wanted to chug some ice water
 but the nurse would only give me a couple ice chips at a time. 

the nurse comes back in and

starts handing me papers to sign and going over a couple things with me...like my birth plan.

i didn't have one written out. my midwife had just taken notes earlier. 

it was pretty basic. 

don't offer me drugs. 

i was more concerned with what they did with her after she was born.

no pacifer. no sugar water. 

no shots or goop or anything else without talking to us.
she asked what i wanted to do for pain relief and i just moaned "water...i want water" lol as in NOW.

but i was doing my best to sign everything she gave me because even in the middle of labor i didn't want to be an inconvenience.
but i was feeling like i had to push

and i started to say something and i thnk she could see it on my face because she asked me,

"oh are you feeling like you have to push?"

haaaaha....um yes.

so she had another nurse check me and they just kinna whispered surprisingly that i was definitely ready.

so they called the midwife down, which was kristy. 

waiting for her felt like forever.

especially being told not to push.

i feel like being told not to push when you have to, is like being told not to sneeze...right before you sneeze!

how do you not sneeze?
if i ever get told to not push again, i'm not listening.
i'm a rebel.
but seriously.

finally kristy came down all happy to see me... and us relieved to see her.

she pretty much walked in, glanced at me and was like,

"alright let's do this. start pushing."

i had never heard such sweet words ;)

alex was such a strong presence, just what i needed. he stroked my head and let me squeeze his hand.
he was perfect.

it was such a relief to start pushing! no more pain!
the nurses were very encouraging, which was actually helpful.
i pushed only a few times...about 15 mins total before she was born.

i remember alex's voice so clearly when he told me he could see her head...
i could hear the emotion in it...the tears.

they commented on how much hair she had,
and as i asked what color it was i remember thinking....
"uhh are you sure it's not just my hair?"

ya know...because my belly was so huge and i couldn't see so it was kinna hard to take care of that down there.

tmi?

but i think that was the only time i felt self conscious at all, and even then i didn't care.

then i heard,

"just one more push..."

and then she was here, pink and blue and crying with lots of hair.

she went straight to my chest.

i cannot describe what i was feeling in those first moments with her.

a little bit of shock that her birth turned out almost exactly like i wanted..... she was fat...and so much gratefulness and love.
it was very surreal.

alex cut the cord and then they weighed her and alex held his little girl for the first time.
seeing him with her was when the tears broke through for me.

 i had torn a little so she stitched me up, which was probably worse than anything else lol.
i couldn't stop myself from shaking. i was so cold and so excited.

finally everyone left and we were alone for the first time as a family.
scarlett nursed within 30-40 minutes of being born.
i was soo beyond happy when she latched on.
that first day of nursing wasn't too bad painwise for me. it was the week after that that really hurt.
but only on one side. weird.
she nursed and then rested so peacefully on alex's chest.

the rest of the day is kind of a blur. a good, happy blur.
...

alex's mom and claire got there a couple hours later and then my parents and laura and ben (who made probably a 7 hour drive from greenlake, WI where they had been camping) got there in the evening.
the end of the week alex's dad and step mom came down for a few days.

...


i only wish i had more (better) pictures.
that is a mistake that i will not make with the next one!
though knowing me, i will feel guilty for having more pictures of the next baby than i do of scarlett's birth.

...

scarlett grey. 

born ON her due date of september 5 at 9:21 am
8 lbs 9 oz 21 inches long

my baby is one!

i cannot put into words how much i love this little girl of mine.

i love being a momma.


i couldn't wait to have a baby. those close to me during that time would probably laugh and say that that's putting it mildly ;) i was so excited and felt so ready to be a mom. in the midst of my excitement i was also preparing myself for all the sacrifices that i would have to make after having a child.
i expected to be giving things up all the time for her.
and i guess i have given things up. like sleep...a lot of sleep. and there certainly have been times where i wasn't able to go be with friends because she needed me. i've had to turn down invitations a couple times from friends or family that in the days before having s i would have been all over. and i'm not gonna lie. sometimes that's hard. but a sacrifice?

does it really count as sacrifice if the alternative is better than the thing you're turning down? 

i wouldn't give up my time with her for anything.
even more sleep.

...

so. one whole year.

i have absolutely loved watching her grow and learn...and just be.
who knew watching someone look at a book could be so mesmerizing?

she has more than tripled her weight in this first year.
she now weighs 28 lbs and is approximately 30 inches long. (i was having a really hard time trying to measure her haha)
she hasn't really gained much in the last couple months. she's definitely hit a plateau.

i would say she's about 50/50 on eating solids and breastfeeding.
she loves food but seems to still prefer nursing just a little bit more. she will pretty much eat anything but i guess some of her favorites are raspberries, most meat, ak-mak crackers and pasta.

she's constantly moving these days.
not yet walking on her own but is always cruising the furniture and is standing on her own more and more....especially in the last few days. on sunday she actually took her first couple tiny, wobbly steps all on her own!....none since then.

she loves bellybuttons! and will show you hers if you ask. well if she knows you she will show you...if she doesn't know you she's too distracted by getting to know you to care about belly buttons.

she loves music and dancing! anytime she hears music she's swayin or bouncin...going from foot to foot while she holds onto something and shakes her little booty. she could not be cuter.
even if she hears the word music she will start dancing a little in preparation thinking we're going to put music on. hahaha

she loves her family. all her aunts and uncles and grandmas and grandpas. and very much of the time will choose them over mom and dad. ha.
with certain people she doesn't know she is a little tentative, with others she will go right to them if we let her.

she loves BOOKS! definitely her favorite "toy" right now. we read together all the time. or she sits and flips thru and looks at the pages by herself.

she loves putting things around her neck...necklaces, daddy's dress socks, towels...really anything she can find. and then she will just crawl around with it on her.

this is another favorite of hers :)

i have watched her go from this....

to this...

my little adventurer.
a little girl that has no problem letting her preferences be known. that likes to
give wet kisses and snuggle with a book.
she also loves long boarding. 

she is so much fun.


thank you, scarlett, for making my life more beautiful and more joyful than i ever could have imagined.
you are loved.

{birthday pictures coming soon!}