9 weeks

How far along? 9 weeks!

Total weight gain: again...probably none. (pre-pregnancy weight 142 lbs)

Maternity clothes? nope. but still livin in sweats and hoodies.

Sleep: not good. i think because i've been feeling so sick i have had a hard time falling asleep and then when i wake up in the middle of the night i often feel like throwing up (and sometimes do) and then have to choke some crackers down before attempting sleep again.

Best moment this week: when scarlett came upstairs and gently woke me up from a nap (i was actually already mostly awake) by cupping my face with her little hands and her big eyes right in front of mine saying things like "i wanted to see you. you will be ok momma. babies will be here soon and you will feel better. me and daddy make pancakes for babies. ok i go downstairs now. but i will come back! i love you!" with lots of kisses. she actually does stuff like that a lot but it was much needed that day.

Worst moment this week: pick a time i puked. i've been pretty miserable this week. so grateful for a super duper helpful, patient husband.

Miss anything? i miss not wanting to puke every 5 minutes.

Cravings: fried rice with soy sauce! I had a night when I couldn't stop thinking about it but Alex was sick...but he made me some the next night and I could barely eat it :( .... i just eat what i can tolerate. crackers and baked potatoes and popsicles.

Symptoms: extreme nausea. more throwing up than last week. fatigue. and a headache thrown in there once in a while.  

Looking forward to: probably the same as last week -- feeling like myself again. but also i can't wait to start showing and actually feel pregnant in that sense!

8 weeks

How far along? 8 weeks!

Total weight gain: probably none yet. if anything i've lost it. but we don't own a scale.
maybe i'll go buy one. or just use my mom's.

Maternity clothes? obviously not yet. but i do live in sweat pants.

Sleep: overall my sleep hasn't changed yet. there have been a couple nights that i've woken up and instead of just falling back asleep like usual i have felt very nauseous and had to eat something before i could sleep. but thankfully that's not the norm. i have been soo exhausted and am usually in bed bed by 9. it would be earlier but my introverted self craves time to myself so desperately that i sacrifice sleep for it. although i'm just laying half asleep on the couch anyway so really i should just go to bed.
weeks 5 and 6 i was going to bed when S was at 7 ish. but i haven't been quite as tired this week. probably because all i do all day is lay on the couch.

Best moment this week: scarlett prayed for the babies for the first time last week. oh my heart. she has prayed for them almost everyday since so i know those will continue to be some of my favorite moments in the future. "JESUS. i need you protect babies. please hold onto them so they don't get lost. i love you soo much. i need you to come here and be in our hearts. bye."


Worst moment this week: this one time i puked....or rather dry heaved over the toilet for like 5 minutes before finally puking up some stomach bile. that was the best. i cried.

Miss anything? feeling human. playing with scarlett. saying YES to scarlett. being able to stuff my face with food instead of nibbling at it over hours.

Cravings: i had a dorito craving at one point because i saw a picture of someone eating them on facebook. caesar salad at one point. fresh fruit. but those were in weeks 5 and 6....what I crave now is relief. i mostly eat bread and butter and baked potatoes.

Symptoms: a lot of nausea...some throwing up. fatigue. i was peeing a ton before i started to feel really sick, now i barely drink anything because i just throw it up. i do try to sip a little at a time but honestly it's hard to remember and it upsets my stomach. i'm a little concerned about staying hydrated.

Looking forward to: what am i not looking forward to?! ... i guess right at this moment i'm looking forward to just not feeling nauseous anymore. which i'm hoping will be no later than the start of my second trimester :)


this week i was released from my RE's office. they typically release you after seeing babies heartbeat twice. i then had my first prenatal appt with my regular OB the day i turned 8 weeks.or rather the nurse practioner, Lindsey. it was pretty basic. but my next appt is not until i rech 12 weeks - which feels like forever since i was going once a week to my RE!


***this was written a week ago when i reached week 8 but i didn't publish it until today because i thought i would get pictures up. but that didn't happen.***

i'm pregnant!

you guys. i'm actually pregnant. 

i'm pregnant. with two babies.

i have two babies growing inside me.

it still feels so surreal.

as in it doesn't feel real.

except for the incredible amount of nausea that i feel all day, everyday.

that feels real.

ahhhhhhhhhhh.

sooo just real quick: as a lot of you know we went through our third cycle of IVF this last october.
the day before my egg retrieval i got a call from my nurse saying that my hormone levels were
not where they want them to be so they wanted us to agree to freeze the embryos.
that was really upsetting and very emotional for me... and alex because money was so tight and that was not covered by insurance.
but in the 10 minutes that she gave me to call alex and make a decision it was worked out
with a family loan and my Dr saying he would waive the storage fee.
it was such a relief.

so a week after that we got the news that they froze 5 "pretty good" looking embryos.
aaaaand then i had to wait to start my period (story of my life the last 2 years) and then let my nurse know. we were then given the date December 15th for our embryo transfer!
in the 8 weeks leading up to that i was on the pill and then progesterone shots and estrogen pills...and a couple other meds.

T day came and my Dr and embryologist were so positive about everything. they kept saying how good everything looked and how they really liked our chances.

a few days later i had period like cramps...
my first cycle of IVF i got my period within the first week post transfer so i thought for sure that was what was happening again.
well maybe not for sure.
i still had some hope.
but those cramps only lasted an afternoon and a couple days later no period... but i started having some sharp pulling pains in my lower abdomen.
with scarlett i knew i was pregnant when i had heartburn for the first time.
this time i knew i was pregnant when i felt those stretchy cramps.
but i was going crazy waiting for my blood test, which was the day after christmas!
i had said i was not going to take any HPTs buuuut on the 21st i had alex pick up a pregnancy test.
i was going to wait until the next morning to take it but i have no self control and once the test was in my posession i took it within a couple hours.

it was a sunday night, after scar was asleep....
and it was faint but clearly positive. two lines!
i never thought i would get to experience that again and it was unbelievable.
i think alex and i were both hesitant to believe it tho.
i took the second test on tuesday morning and it was another, darker positive!
i then bought just one more cheap test to take on christmas eve. and yet again even more clear.
i'll just let ya'll imagine how i was feeling :)

hashtagbestchristmaspresentever

we told our families that weekend.
i had my blood test on friday which confirmed i was pregnant.
HCG was 800, which is high. and 72 hours later it was up to 3400. that and along with the cramps i was feeling that felt like my uterus was already expanding (something i didn't feel with scarlett that early)
i was not surprised that at our first ultrasound on January 5th to find out there were two babies.


i should have alex write about how he felt :)

we had our second ultrasound on the 12th and got to hear two beautiful, tear inducing heart beats.
they were both in the 130s.

i'm amazed and in awe that i am carrying twins.
my Dr rocks.
 i will forever be grateful to him and all the nurses and techs and staff.
i would not be pregnant without them.
and alex.
i also would not be pregnant without him.
and to my God for working all this heartbreak and hardship for the good.
the good not just being these babies but my heart.
my heart has changed a lot through this.
it has softened and been opened to things i didn't expect.

and i am grateful to all of that have been so loving and supportive....
a lot of you don't even know me that well and the amount of kindness you showed
me when i would share my infertility with you will never be forgotten.

so now for the fun pregnancy stuff!