i'm pregnant!

you guys. i'm actually pregnant. 

i'm pregnant. with two babies.

i have two babies growing inside me.

it still feels so surreal.

as in it doesn't feel real.

except for the incredible amount of nausea that i feel all day, everyday.

that feels real.

ahhhhhhhhhhh.

sooo just real quick: as a lot of you know we went through our third cycle of IVF this last october.
the day before my egg retrieval i got a call from my nurse saying that my hormone levels were
not where they want them to be so they wanted us to agree to freeze the embryos.
that was really upsetting and very emotional for me... and alex because money was so tight and that was not covered by insurance.
but in the 10 minutes that she gave me to call alex and make a decision it was worked out
with a family loan and my Dr saying he would waive the storage fee.
it was such a relief.

so a week after that we got the news that they froze 5 "pretty good" looking embryos.
aaaaand then i had to wait to start my period (story of my life the last 2 years) and then let my nurse know. we were then given the date December 15th for our embryo transfer!
in the 8 weeks leading up to that i was on the pill and then progesterone shots and estrogen pills...and a couple other meds.

T day came and my Dr and embryologist were so positive about everything. they kept saying how good everything looked and how they really liked our chances.

a few days later i had period like cramps...
my first cycle of IVF i got my period within the first week post transfer so i thought for sure that was what was happening again.
well maybe not for sure.
i still had some hope.
but those cramps only lasted an afternoon and a couple days later no period... but i started having some sharp pulling pains in my lower abdomen.
with scarlett i knew i was pregnant when i had heartburn for the first time.
this time i knew i was pregnant when i felt those stretchy cramps.
but i was going crazy waiting for my blood test, which was the day after christmas!
i had said i was not going to take any HPTs buuuut on the 21st i had alex pick up a pregnancy test.
i was going to wait until the next morning to take it but i have no self control and once the test was in my posession i took it within a couple hours.

it was a sunday night, after scar was asleep....
and it was faint but clearly positive. two lines!
i never thought i would get to experience that again and it was unbelievable.
i think alex and i were both hesitant to believe it tho.
i took the second test on tuesday morning and it was another, darker positive!
i then bought just one more cheap test to take on christmas eve. and yet again even more clear.
i'll just let ya'll imagine how i was feeling :)

hashtagbestchristmaspresentever

we told our families that weekend.
i had my blood test on friday which confirmed i was pregnant.
HCG was 800, which is high. and 72 hours later it was up to 3400. that and along with the cramps i was feeling that felt like my uterus was already expanding (something i didn't feel with scarlett that early)
i was not surprised that at our first ultrasound on January 5th to find out there were two babies.


i should have alex write about how he felt :)

we had our second ultrasound on the 12th and got to hear two beautiful, tear inducing heart beats.
they were both in the 130s.

i'm amazed and in awe that i am carrying twins.
my Dr rocks.
 i will forever be grateful to him and all the nurses and techs and staff.
i would not be pregnant without them.
and alex.
i also would not be pregnant without him.
and to my God for working all this heartbreak and hardship for the good.
the good not just being these babies but my heart.
my heart has changed a lot through this.
it has softened and been opened to things i didn't expect.

and i am grateful to all of that have been so loving and supportive....
a lot of you don't even know me that well and the amount of kindness you showed
me when i would share my infertility with you will never be forgotten.

so now for the fun pregnancy stuff!