25 weeks

How far along? 25 weeks! every week feels like an extra big miracle now. i've been in the hospital for over a week now. the first few days were rough. a lot of tears. talking to NICU drs and all the high risk drs and being told i will be on complete bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy was shocking and very disappointing. i'm feeling better, trying to keep perspective because i know things could be so so much worse......but still at times feeling disappointed about this summer and everything i can't do. i had expectations and desires for how this pregnancy, my last pregnancy would be. and this was not it. but we all know that life rarely goes as we plan, right? :) and honestly, i'm just so glad there's something i can do to help them grow! so bed rest it is. i'm starting to look forward to the challenge of keeping my mind and hands busy these next weeks...there are a lot of things (sitting down things) that i've wanted to do for a while, books that i've wanted to read but i'm always so tired by the time scar is asleep that i usually waste time watching tv or just go to bed myself. and also, the last few weeks i was feeling kinna burnt out from life.....just so tired all the time. both physically and mentally. i was really wanting a break....like a night or two alone in a hotel room. so i think this may be a good thing for me! it's much longer than a night or two haha but i think it will be a good mental refresher. as long as i can be at home and at least get to read with and snuggle my baby and husband before bed every night. i admit i will not be feeling so positive if i end up needing to stay at the hospital for a longer period. but i would work through it and eventually be ok. :)

the plan right now is to re-evaluate at 26 weeks (1 more week from today!!!). as long as nothing has changed and i have not dilated anymore they will send me home with strict restrictions (getting up only to use the bathroom and a quick shower occasionally lol and to go to dr appts. which will be quite often i imagine).

the babies are doing well....they're growing as expected, moving around a lot a lot :)
every morning the nurse does a NST -- puts the monitors on my belly and searches for the babies heartbeats. they try to get 20 minutes of them but they move around so much i'm usually laying here for over an hour while the nurse finds them. and then 3 times a day they monitor my contractions for an hour at a time. i'm really only contracting once every few hours it seems...if that. so everything/one is stable.

Maternity clothes: yes except that since i'm living in a hospital bed i'm just wearing alex's t shirts and underwear. my underwear. not his.

Sleep: "i like the way you sleep." - nurse tech 

i've actually slept pretty well here at the hospital. i have my blanket and pillow from home and a sound machine. *everyone* that comes into my room for the first time comments on how comfy i look.  they do monitor me for contractions for the last time at 11 until around midnight so i don't usually go to sleep until after that and then a tech comes in about 6am to check vitals. but in between midnight and 6 they leave me alone. i'm pretty happy with my sleep here haha.

Symptoms: my rib area is sore. kinna uncomfortable. i pee every hour or so.

Best moment this week: i've had a lot of beautiful moments this week. all of the staff here is so so sweet. my friends and family...and people that i barely know (!) have been so encouraging and supportive and helpful and loving and it makes such a difference to feel that love. i love love. i'm really so thankful for everyone that is helping alex and scarlett. thank you from the bottom of my whole heart and soul. i'm grateful for the people that let me feel what i feel, without judgement. that empathize with me. that let me say...sometimes insist that i say....this sucks. it really sucks. yes, it could be a whole lot worse. a whole lot. but it still sucks and it's ok to be sad. it's healthy to express and work through those feelings.

one of my favorite times this week was when the Rector from the church we just started going to about a month ago came and visited me. i barely know her but she has been incredibly welcoming since our first week there. not only did i feel very encouraged that she came all the way out here to see me when she barely knows me, i genuinely enjoyed my time talking with her. i got to hear a bit of her story and we talked theology and i found out she's a fan of Rachel held Evans (!!!) -- she was really excited to see i was reading her book. i was really excited that she was excited :) who knew i would find a church in mchenry county where the pastor and i hold such similar beliefs?! not me that's for sure. i have felt a connection to this church since we first visited....it's the only church we have visited more than twice since we've been married....and now we've gone 5 times in a row! big deal for us, guys. well, i've only gone 4 times but alex and scar went last week while i was here. anyway. i have been feeling so uplifted, so light hearted, so happy the last few weeks about finding this church and when i found out i will need to be on bed rest one of the first things i thought of was not being able to go to church....i was worried about losing the connection, about people forgetting about us (tho alex and scarlett are still planning on going without me)....i donno...i genuinely enjoy the service and the worship. so i was really encouraged when Fran came to visit. it was good for my soul.


Hardest moment this week: i've also had a few lonely, down in the dumps moments this week. mostly after alex and scarlett leave. i hate not being able to go with them.

Cravings? frappuccino! it's so funny that my one consistent craving is coffee....right now fancy, creamy whipped cream filled coffee haha.

(ps it's funny because i'm not a coffee drinker)

Miss anything? hahah. my husband and daughter. my home. and walking around. lol

lots of monitoring

sweet flowers from a sweet friend

thanks to skype i get to read with these two before bed most nights.

getting pushed around the hospital and going outside with my faves was definitely a highlight of the week!

my view.

i made our dinosaur baby a hat! i will probably be adding a cape and maybe a diaper cover as well.

these little butterflies take about 3 minutes each to make. perfect way to use up scrap yarn!

aaaand my 25 week bump in my awesome hospital, disposable underwear.
to celebrate making it another week i showered and put on some eye liner and got clean sheets put on my bed lol.