13 weeks

How far along? 13 weeks - babies are almost 3 inches long and weigh about 1 ounce (ish)! two little pea pods.

Weight gain: no scale so i'm not sure but i feel like i've gained.

Maternity clothes: none. but i have not put on a pair of jeans since christmas. #yogapantsforlife remember?

Sleep: sleep is ok i guess. mediocre. i have to get up to pee 1-2 times a night....i can only imagine how much worse that is going to get hahah.

Best moment this week: listening to scarlett sing christmas songs. specifically "we wish you a merry christmas". she sings, "bring us some biggy boodin" instead of figgy pudding. best. thing. ever. i love seeing her grow up but i also love the sweet things that say she's still so little.
she also talks about the babies all the time. this week she was talking about going to the park and how the babies can sit on her lap while she slides down the slide. she just gets so excited about doing everything with the babies. it warms my heart like nothing else.

yesterday we left the house for the first time (other than to go to the doctor) to go play/sit at a friends house! it was beautiful. i cried trying to get out the door but we made it and it was so soothing to my soul to visit with a good friend in her beautiful home and be fed lunch and see scarlett (mostly) happily playing with friends.

Hardest moment this week: i had a couple more days this week of feeling discouraged/lonely. it's hard being bound to the couch for a solid two months. no matter how happy the reason.

Miss anything? doing normal things without feeling like passing out :)

Cravings: coffee. totally weird because i am not a coffee drinker. but for the last few weeks i have been in love with the smell of coffee. i told alex last week we should get an espresso machine. actually i think i called it a latte maker.

Symptoms: still nauseous. tho i don't remember throwing up this week. i may have only once or twice the beginning of the week. so that's an improvement! i think my boobs are bigger again. tired. itchy itchy skin...all of my skin, everywhere. am i dehydrated? is it hormones? i don't know but it's been bad. or it was bad for a few days but is getting better.

Looking forward to: we have an appt with the maternal fetal medicine doctor on tuesday...tho we get an ultrasound at every appt (i know. not very crunchy of me.) i am looking forward to this one because it will be more than a quick glance. also, thrifting! i want to go get a pedicure and leisurely wander my favorite shops. as soon as i feel better that's happening.

PUPPY

12 weeks

How far along? 12 weeks. babies are about the size of a plum!

Total weight gain: none gained yet but i've lost 4lbs. which is less than i lost in my 1st trimester with scarlett.

Maternity clothes: yoga pants for life.

Sleep: i can tell the babies are growing because i have to get up to pee at night now even tho i'm basically dehydrated. otherwise sleep is pretty much the same as last week.

Favorite moment this week: i had my 12 week dr appt yesterday and it was such a huge relief to see both babies growing , with strong heartbeats. i don't think i realized until then that a part of me...was still afraid of believing that i was actually pregnant. i'm sure that sounds silly. but when i found out we were having twins i was thrilled, it's what i wanted. but...i was scared....i felt like it was too good to be true and that we would lose one of them...or both. i guess i've been nervous about carrying two. so this first trimester has been a little nerve wracking for me. but yesterday seeing them and hearing the dr so reassuring about their growth.....i just feel...happy. and thankful. oh, so thankful. baby B measured 12 weeks and baby A measured 12 weeks 1 day (this was yesterday at 12 weeks exactly). up until now baby A was always a few days smaller (according to their measurements).

alex also surprised me by coming to this appt....he didn't think he would be able to make it but he did. which was especially nice for me because i have been super emotional this week and kept imagining my dr not able to find a second heartbeat and how my dr would have to comfort me because alex wasn't there and i barely know this dr yet so then i would  just go sit in my car because i would rather be alone and would i be able to drive? or would i need to call alex to pick me up? well obviously i would call him right away to tell him. except i probably wouldn't be able to tell him with words because i would just be crying and then he would have to get this devastating news while he's at work? so basically i was so so happy that he was there :)
alex has also been extra amazing recently. he is loving me so well through all of my craziness.

Hardest moment this week: monday and tuesday were really hard for me....i started feeling really sick again which got me feeling really discouraged. i'm tired of living on my couch. i had some good cries and let myself be ok with letting myself feel all the feels without feeling guilty for feeling them.

Miss anything? cooking dinner with a glass of wine and dancing with scarlett to loud music. in general, my energy.

Cravings: not really.

Symptoms: my nausea has lifted a bit. actually over the weekend i felt pretty good...i thought i was over it....but then monday i was a mess again, hence the discouragement. but still, i'm much better than i have been. i'm tired and i get waves of insane weakness. and yesterday before my appt i had a slight panic attack at the thought of getting scarlett and i ready to leave the house in the midst of one of those waves. but waves are better than a constant flow, which is what it had been like. i still puke every time i brush my teeth. i'll be over all this soon tho. 12 weeks!! woohoo!!

Looking forward to: being apart of the family dance parties again! instead of just watching alex and scar dance and play. not that that's not fun, too. but i'm looking forward to doing life with my family.
i can't imagine ever taking life and health for granted ever ever ever ever.

11 weeks

How far along? 11 weeks. babies are about the size of a fig or a brussel sprout or a lime!

Total weight gain: this is the most pointless question in the first trimester. and also because i don't own a scale.

Maternity clothes: nevermind. maybe this is the most pointless. no maternity clothes yet but i have worn nothing but comfy jammie pants and hoodies for almost 2 months now!

Sleep: umm a little better i guess. not waking up as much as i was...or at least when i do i'm able to fall asleep pretty quickly. that could be because i have been staying up later (like 10-11) so i'm totally exhausted. but when i go to bed early i wake up and then can't fall back asleep, usually because i'm thinking too much and get all anxious. 

Sweetest moment this week: probably scarlett pooping on the toilet :) she is just so happy every time she does it...it makes me so so happy. plus, we get to be a diaper free home for a few months! 

Hardest moment this week: i'm not gonna lie...this last month and a half has been mostly full of hard moments. hard being relative because i'm only sick because i'm pregnant and of course we are all so beyond happy. but me being basically couch ridden is wearing on all of us. i don't want to insult single parents because i know it's not the same thing at all but i feel like alex has just a teeny tiny bit of an idea what it's like to be a single dad. he works full time, comes home takes over with scarlett...playing, making and feeding dinner, bedtime routine and then i will usually lay with her to put her down since i'm a pro at laying down. and then he cleans. oh and he also takes care of the puppy...taking her out, making sure she doesn't destroy anything, feeding her...and he gets up in the middle of the night to take her out since she still can't hold it that long yet. and he doesn't complain. ever. but i know that it's getting tiresome...not only physically but every other way as well. actually probably harder mentally than physically. i'm incredibly lucky to have him. and scarlett. she's so amazing. she has been so loving and wanting to take care of me but this is definitely effecting her negatively...maybe positively in some ways as well but those are harder to see. she hasn't played with another kid in almost 2 months. she's barely played with me in 2 months. alex meets her needs as much as he can when he's home but i suck at it. i'm getting better at accepting i'm doing the best i can (except i often doubt that i'm actually doing my best) and this is just how it is for hopefully not too much longer. right now there's nothing i can do to change things. i've tried willing myself more energy and less nausea buuuut it doesn't work. i know beating myself up over it is only going to hurt all of us. #rambling 

Miss anything? my husband. we haven't been getting much quality time. i usually go to bed pretty early. 

Cravings: chocolate shake.

Symptoms: it seems like i have a pattern of a few really bad days that i can barely move and i throw up a lot... to a couple days of slightly better and then a few days of feeling ok...ok meaning that when i'm laying down i only feel slightly nauseous and i can stand up for 5 minutes without wanting to throw up and i can eat more than a cracker at a time! aaaaand then it's back to the really bad days. 

right now i'm in the ok days. but i'm really emotional and so tired. i've cried a lot this week. my boobs have been getting bigger the last couple weeks so that's fun....i didn't notice that when i was pregnant with scarlett until well into my second trimester. 

Looking forward to: my next OB appt is in a week - i can't wait to hear their heartbeats!

and spring! i am definitely dreaming of spring.

10 weeks

How far long? 10 weeks! depending on the app (i have 5 pregnancy apps on my phone) babies are about the size of a prune, a large grape or my favorite...a kumquat!

Total weight gain: i still haven't weighed myself.

Maternity clothes: not yet.

Sleep: ugh. sleep. not good. i wake up in the middle of the night feeling tense and struggle with falling back asleep.

Miss anything? really being able to enjoy food. even when i'm able to eat a tiny meal without gagging...i don't enjoy it. not really. and my energy. i am pretty bored with laying around. (didn't think i'd ever feel that way;)
i miss doing life. i miss being spontaneous with Scarlett. now it's always "we gotta wait for the weekend and then you can do that with daddy" buuuuut this is temporary!!! i will be back to normal so soon!! well normal-ish. my new normal.

Cravings: i mean how many cravings does one have in the first trimester? food aversions on the other hand......  POTATO SALAD. i had a craving for potato salad. and i actually ate a decent amount this week. weird.

Symptoms: i actually had a few days, 3.5 to be exact, of relief from constant nausea! i'm feeling so hopeful! i can see the light at the end of the tunnel! yesterday was really bad tho...i could barely keep my eyes open and had a nasty headache all day and today i have been a bit more nauseous. but over all still better than last week!
i'm still weak....i took a shower a few days ago (yay me!) just to relax under the hot water. i literally just stood in the shower for 10 minutes and then felt like i had just done the most intense work out of my life. i'm not exaggerating. my heart was racing, i was shaking, light headed. i don't remember feeling this extreme fatigue and weakness with Scarlett. i've also been very bloated this week. so it's been fun. ;) all that being said i'm feeling confident that i'll be feeling good again soon!

Looking forward to: other than just feeling better?! garage sale season!