27 weeks

How far along? 27 weeks! every wednesday morning when i wake up it feels a little like christmas. we made it one more week!

How big are babies? yesterday at their growth scan baby boy weighed (approximately) 2 lbs 1 oz and baby girl weighed (approximately) 2 lbs 3 oz. so they are average size, growing appropriately!
baby boy's fluid level was only at 1.76 which is really low.....but it's something! and my doctors don't seem too worried about it still. (baby girl's levels were over 4.)

Weight gain: they weigh me on thursdays so i'll edit that in tomorrow.

Sleep: decent enough. i wish they wouldn't wake me (by turning the ceiling lights on) at 2 am every night to check my vitals. i'm actually going to ask the dr about that.
they check them at 10pm and then again around 2am. so i usually go to sleep around 1030/11 depending on when they actually get in here to take them...then i wake up around 2 and then sleep until about 515 when they check vitals again, and then the OB resident comes in and then housekeeping and then my nurse and then an MFM doctor. i try to doze a little in between their visits but it doesn't really work. thankfully my afternoons are pretty quiet so i attempt to nap sometimes but often can't sleep. go figure. i finally have the chance to nap almost whenever i want and i can't. yet i feel tired the majority of the time.

Symptoms: just a lot of stretching going on that hurts. heartburn was a little better this week.

Hardest moment this week: this week was so much easier than last week so i don't have a novel for you this time.

a couple nights ago i stayed on skype with scarlett while alex rocked her to sleep. i watched her fall asleep....afterwards i cried. i haven't snuggled and sung my baby to sleep in over 3 weeks.


Favorite moment this week: my hardest moment is probably also my favorite moment. scarlett had been having a rough night and was completely exhausted and wanted me to stay with her (skype)....she fell asleep looking at me through our phones. it was honestly a bit heart wrenching but i'm glad for smart phones :)

Cravings: vegetables, salads, fresh berries, pie.

Miss anything? umm what don't i miss? i miss regular days at home with scarlett and alex the most. and being outside and breathing fresh air.


Everything else: i got to get wheeled down to the NICU this week. it was a little overwhelming....yet comforting at the same time. the nurses and doctor were incredibly kind and easy to talk to.
i cannot say enough about how lucky i feel to be at this hospital. they have one of the best NICUs in the area. i love that the NICU doctors are all about breastmilk....if i'm not producing enough right away then they have a donor milk program. formula is very much a last resort for them and i love that. they are also all about kangaroo care (skin to skin) as soon as and often as possible. these things make me happy and feel all the more confident in the care my babies will get.


thanks to a friend who posted on her wall asking for advice from her twin mom friends on my behalf i got in touch with a couple moms from the local twin club. a mom in the group who is also a part of the Family Advisory Committee, which is a volunteer group of NICU graduate parents here at LGH, contacted me and then stopped in to see me this week with a giant gift basket and so much emotional support. it was very encouraging. and how wonderful to feel such support from someone i just met.

really, i am feeling such support from so so many. the generosity of our family and friends and people that we barely know or haven't talked to in years is astounding.
you have been so so loving. i (and alex) appreciate every kind, encouraging, empathetic word and prayer. thank you all to the end of the world and  back.

good ol' bathroom selfie. 

i'm working on a few different little things. but i'm totally in love with this bowl.
i've been making these for a while but i finally made one with jute instead of yarn and i looove it.
thi it hurt my finger a lot lol. 

26 weeks

How far along?/UPDATE: 26 weeks! so so happy to have made it to this week.

early friday morning i was woken up for vitals. i sat up to get my blood pressure taken and i felt a big gush....i knew one of their bags had broken. and i think i just said "shit." and then started crying. and then said shit a few more times. and the "Jesus help them" and then fuck. the tech got my nurse and a bunch of them rushed in to get me on the monitor to see if i was contracting but before they did the dr came in and said to move me to L&D. i was in panic mode.....i really thought that once your water broke that was it,  baby(ies) were coming within 24 hours. so i was scared. i called alex and he didn't answer...still sleeping. once i got to L&D my favorite resident came in very comforting, minus the checking my cervix part which hurt like a mofo, i was so tense already. but she couldn't even feel it, which was a good sign. they continuously monitored me. and monitored the babies every four hours. i had some really great L&D nurses...one in particular, Bonnie really advocated for me and my comfort. alex got there mid morning and stayed the day. it was nerve wracking, glad we were together. that night sucked and i barely slept. but i was still stable so alex and scarlett came back on saturday. that afternoon my awesome nurse got them to move me back to the perinatal floor....i got a bigger room than i had before with a futon this time. i was so happy to be back here....it felt like going home in a sense. so far so good. everything is the same as it was before friday. just watching for infection now. still not in labor! 

Weight gain: i haven't gained anything since i've been here (2 weeks)...in fact i may have lost a pound. the hospital dietitian actually came to my room to ask me if i felt like i was eating enough. it was awkward. at that point i was eating a TON. tho not so much the last couple days. kinna lost my appetite. so i'm still at about 160.

Sleep: i sleep well when they let me sleep :) when i got back here on saturday they wanted to monitor babies every 8 hours. which meant i had a late night session and for a few nights was up until 1-2am.
but they just changed that yesterday! so now my last session is around 6pm - boom.

Symptoms: heartburn occasionally.

Favorite moment this week: getting to be close to alex and scarlett on monday. i love them.

Hardest moment this week: see water breaking story above :) and include the next 4 days.

on monday alex and scarlett came to visit. they got here in the morning during my first NST. but we had already gotten a solid 20 minutes of babies, which is all they need. so when they got here i called the nurse to come in so she could get me off the monitors. it took her a while, had to call the resident. so i moved a bit to say hi to my loves and that moved the monitors / babies so they wanted to get ANOTHER 20 minutes of the babies. which is not 20 minutes...it's at least an hour but usually more because they spend so much time looking for them and then they move constantly. so long story short it turned into me getting super anxious, losing my cool, telling them i was going to take the monitors off myself, refusing anymore right now.  (i asked to talk to the dr who at the time i felt like was telling me if i refuse to be monitored my babies could die - which afterwards i realize is not really what she was saying but i was a hot mess). i have such limited time with alex and scarlett i didn't want it wasted strapped to the bed, with multiple people in the room hovered over me so i could barely even have a conversation with them. and in my gut i knew the babies were fine. there has never been any reason to worry about them. after i started crying and let go of some of the feelings that had been building up over the last few days i agreed to let them finish the session....and it went pretty quick. i think the doc ended it a little early. thankfully i have a lot of incredibly empathetic nurses (and doctors) that made me feel less crazy and i was so glad for my husbands support....that he was there while i had my first meltdown with the staff. :)
oh and on that note.....you probably shouldn't be a nurse if you don't have a crazy amount of empathy for people.very thankful for all my kind-hearted nurses and techs. they make this stay a whole lot easier. i've gotten some special treatment since then, too haha.  i kept apologizing to my nurse and dr for getting all testy and she said i should see how some of the other patients get...."at least you were nice". man, if she thought i was being nice then i wonder what other moms get like hahah....makes me feel less alone....wish i cold hang out with the other moms on bed rest here.
anyway. i've had an emotional week,,,,i thought i would be going home today. but now i'm here until the babies are here. and i'm honestly having a hard time with that right now. i want them in as long as possible.....but i want to go home so bad. i cry every single time i talk to alex now.....or sometimes i can hold off until i hang up. my heart breaks thinking about scarlett. i'm extra sensitive about everything. what are the stages of grief? i've been in the depressed stage. but now it's moving into a mix of depression and anger. i feel a little angry that this is happening. no doubt i sound like an ungrateful soul. i hate that. i want to feel only thankfulness for my situation. thankful that i get these babies even at the expense of missing out on what i imagined my last pregnancy to be, and missing out on this summer with scarlett. and then there's the whole NICU thing. they will be in the NICU because they will be here before 34 weeks. which means.....well. it means so many things that i never thought i would have to deal with personally. i won't get to hold or nurse them right away, scarlett won't get to meet them until they are released. those things probably seem so small to a lot of people.....but they're a big deal to me. and then of course the possibility (depending how soon/late they're born) of brain bleeds, cerebral palsy or deafness or blindness. of course those risks go down significantly every week. at this point survivability isn't even 100%. but it is very likely. and i don't think about whether they will live or die. i can't. but i really do believe they will be ok. i should just be happy, right? i'm so thankful for these babies...probably more so than i ever have been if that's possible. i love them more than anything. (well you know, along with my other kid and husband). i just want them to be healthy. and every week, every day gives them a better chance. i will do everything in my power to give them that.
.............but oh how i want to be home.

how many more stages of grief are there before acceptance? :)

Cravings: i had my frappuccino craving filled over the weekend!
it was delicious, made only better by my sweet friend who brought it!

otherwise, i crave anything not served at a hospital.
and today my sister visited (yay!) and she brought me the best tasting alfredo pasta i have ever had and a salad!

Miss anything? my darling family. and my little home. oh how i daydream about being home.

one reason i hate communicating how hard this is for me is because

i know how lucky i am. i am so so lucky. 

i could go on and on about people all over the world who are actually, truly suffering.

and friends who are fighting for their children's lives - unsure if they will ever be ok.

moms who are dying of cancer.

moms who went into preterm labor at 18 weeks and had no hope of saving their baby. 

women that can't get pregnant at all who would literally do anything to be in my situation.

ugh. 

my situation is disappointing and really hard sometimes but it's most likely going to 

have a happy ending. (please God!)

please know that i know this. 

i'm lucky.

and i don't mean to complain. 

but i'm a big feeling person.

i feel deeply and show those feelings.

i'm not so good at keeping them to myself most of the time. 

and this is hard.

but overall i am just so excited to meet my babies in the right time! 

i can't wait to get to know them!

26 weeks. miss scarlett and our white wall and chalkboard.

25 weeks

How far along? 25 weeks! every week feels like an extra big miracle now. i've been in the hospital for over a week now. the first few days were rough. a lot of tears. talking to NICU drs and all the high risk drs and being told i will be on complete bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy was shocking and very disappointing. i'm feeling better, trying to keep perspective because i know things could be so so much worse......but still at times feeling disappointed about this summer and everything i can't do. i had expectations and desires for how this pregnancy, my last pregnancy would be. and this was not it. but we all know that life rarely goes as we plan, right? :) and honestly, i'm just so glad there's something i can do to help them grow! so bed rest it is. i'm starting to look forward to the challenge of keeping my mind and hands busy these next weeks...there are a lot of things (sitting down things) that i've wanted to do for a while, books that i've wanted to read but i'm always so tired by the time scar is asleep that i usually waste time watching tv or just go to bed myself. and also, the last few weeks i was feeling kinna burnt out from life.....just so tired all the time. both physically and mentally. i was really wanting a break....like a night or two alone in a hotel room. so i think this may be a good thing for me! it's much longer than a night or two haha but i think it will be a good mental refresher. as long as i can be at home and at least get to read with and snuggle my baby and husband before bed every night. i admit i will not be feeling so positive if i end up needing to stay at the hospital for a longer period. but i would work through it and eventually be ok. :)

the plan right now is to re-evaluate at 26 weeks (1 more week from today!!!). as long as nothing has changed and i have not dilated anymore they will send me home with strict restrictions (getting up only to use the bathroom and a quick shower occasionally lol and to go to dr appts. which will be quite often i imagine).

the babies are doing well....they're growing as expected, moving around a lot a lot :)
every morning the nurse does a NST -- puts the monitors on my belly and searches for the babies heartbeats. they try to get 20 minutes of them but they move around so much i'm usually laying here for over an hour while the nurse finds them. and then 3 times a day they monitor my contractions for an hour at a time. i'm really only contracting once every few hours it seems...if that. so everything/one is stable.

Maternity clothes: yes except that since i'm living in a hospital bed i'm just wearing alex's t shirts and underwear. my underwear. not his.

Sleep: "i like the way you sleep." - nurse tech 

i've actually slept pretty well here at the hospital. i have my blanket and pillow from home and a sound machine. *everyone* that comes into my room for the first time comments on how comfy i look.  they do monitor me for contractions for the last time at 11 until around midnight so i don't usually go to sleep until after that and then a tech comes in about 6am to check vitals. but in between midnight and 6 they leave me alone. i'm pretty happy with my sleep here haha.

Symptoms: my rib area is sore. kinna uncomfortable. i pee every hour or so.

Best moment this week: i've had a lot of beautiful moments this week. all of the staff here is so so sweet. my friends and family...and people that i barely know (!) have been so encouraging and supportive and helpful and loving and it makes such a difference to feel that love. i love love. i'm really so thankful for everyone that is helping alex and scarlett. thank you from the bottom of my whole heart and soul. i'm grateful for the people that let me feel what i feel, without judgement. that empathize with me. that let me say...sometimes insist that i say....this sucks. it really sucks. yes, it could be a whole lot worse. a whole lot. but it still sucks and it's ok to be sad. it's healthy to express and work through those feelings.

one of my favorite times this week was when the Rector from the church we just started going to about a month ago came and visited me. i barely know her but she has been incredibly welcoming since our first week there. not only did i feel very encouraged that she came all the way out here to see me when she barely knows me, i genuinely enjoyed my time talking with her. i got to hear a bit of her story and we talked theology and i found out she's a fan of Rachel held Evans (!!!) -- she was really excited to see i was reading her book. i was really excited that she was excited :) who knew i would find a church in mchenry county where the pastor and i hold such similar beliefs?! not me that's for sure. i have felt a connection to this church since we first visited....it's the only church we have visited more than twice since we've been married....and now we've gone 5 times in a row! big deal for us, guys. well, i've only gone 4 times but alex and scar went last week while i was here. anyway. i have been feeling so uplifted, so light hearted, so happy the last few weeks about finding this church and when i found out i will need to be on bed rest one of the first things i thought of was not being able to go to church....i was worried about losing the connection, about people forgetting about us (tho alex and scarlett are still planning on going without me)....i donno...i genuinely enjoy the service and the worship. so i was really encouraged when Fran came to visit. it was good for my soul.


Hardest moment this week: i've also had a few lonely, down in the dumps moments this week. mostly after alex and scarlett leave. i hate not being able to go with them.

Cravings? frappuccino! it's so funny that my one consistent craving is coffee....right now fancy, creamy whipped cream filled coffee haha.

(ps it's funny because i'm not a coffee drinker)

Miss anything? hahah. my husband and daughter. my home. and walking around. lol

lots of monitoring

sweet flowers from a sweet friend

thanks to skype i get to read with these two before bed most nights.

getting pushed around the hospital and going outside with my faves was definitely a highlight of the week!

my view.

i made our dinosaur baby a hat! i will probably be adding a cape and maybe a diaper cover as well.

these little butterflies take about 3 minutes each to make. perfect way to use up scrap yarn!

aaaand my 25 week bump in my awesome hospital, disposable underwear.
to celebrate making it another week i showered and put on some eye liner and got clean sheets put on my bed lol.

24 weeks

***UPDATE***

yesterday i went to my routine, bi-weekly check up with my MFM for a quick growth scan of the babies and to have my cervix measured. 

the babies look great. baby boy weighs in at 1 lb 7 oz and baby Star weighs is at 1 lb 8oz.

but my cervix had gone down to 2.5 cm which is no longer in the good range...it's when they start to worry....it was even shorter, 2cm, when they pushed on my uterus. my dr then did a pelvic exam and found i was dilated about 1 cm. so i was sent to labor and delivery to be monitored to see if i was contracting. they found that i was having tiny contractions (or "irritability" of the uterus as they call it. not full blown contractions.)

so they started me on an IV and some meds to stop anything from progressing. i was also immediately given a steroid shot for babies lungs just in case i were to deliver soon.

i got there about 2:30 and a short few hours later my OB came in and checked me again and said i was more like 2 cm dilated and 90% effaced. so they sent me via ambulance around 8pm to a hospital with en excellent NICU... just to be safe. just in case.

so here it is 1:30 in the morning and i can't sleep. 

after all the people coming in to talk to us and all the monitoring and blood draws our room was finally empty and quiet at 12:30. 

alex is sleeping now and i'm writing.

my drs and nurses here are so so so great. 

i'm feeling very well taken care of and they are good at being realistic and not sugar coating the possibilities but also being positive and uplifting which helps me not freak out. 

at 24 weeks the chance of babies surviving earthside is 70%....but out of that 70% only 30% go on to live "normal" healthy lives. good news is every week (hell, every day) those chances go up and up.

my OB said they would keep me here until at least friday or saturday but since i've been at LG i'm getting the impression they may keep me much longer.....tho it really depends on how the next couple days go. either way i will definitely be on bed rest. 

it's going to be ok. our babies will be ok.

i keep telling myself that and i think i am really really starting to believe it.

but it's been a shock. 

everything was going so well. 

i almost canceled this appt yesterday because S was a little sick and i figured it could be put off.

so glad i didn't.

there have been no more changes since we've been here. 

the babies, especially baby girl are moving like crazy. making it literally impossible for them to get the 20 minutes of heart monitoring done. 

i'm just glad the dr isn't making me keep those on. so itchy! 

but they're not worried about the babies themselves. we're worried about keeping them in there.

i dropped scarlett off at my parents right after i left the MFM and she's been there ever since. 

having a sleepover at grandmas. she seems to be having a good time and i am so thankful my mom is close by and so willing and quick to help! thank you mom!!! and siblings!!!

we love you and are eternally grateful.

and of course alex didn't hesitate to leave work for the afternoon to go with me to the hospital.

which i knew he wouldn't but i'm grateful to have a partner like that. i'm also so glad he has bosses who are so understanding.

we were both in tears. it was honestly just so surprising it took time....is still taking time to process.

oh, and after hearing how upset alex was on the phone his dad and step mom jumped in the car to drive out to be with him/us. all our family is pretty great.

but i told the doc their names so now he's always calling them by their names and not baby a and b and i love it :)

they're gonna be ok.

i'm worried about alex and scarlett. 

so i ask for your prayers for my family. for our littlest, that they continue to be able to grow safely inside me for at least another 10 weeks. may as well make that 13 weeks :)

for our big sister girl, that while i am on bedrest she feels loved and secure and is able to understand what's happening and that it won't last forever. 

for my sweet husband, that his nerves would be calmed, that his anxiety would be none. that he would be overcome with peace and hope.

this is so so hard for him.

and me. that i will let go of my expectations for this summer. 

as of this morning i was told that when / if i go home i will be on bed rest.

i can get up to use the bathroom and get myself a quick something to eat but then i need to

be laying down.

i'm feeling really sad about missing out on this last summer as a family of three.

i wanted to do the beach and the zoo and hikes and gardening and the pool and cleaning and nesting for the babies. 

i will find other ways to make this summer fun for us. i know a lot of good will come from all of this and i have so much to be grateful for and i am.

and yes, i know it's only one short summer of our lives and that it will all be more than worth it. 

but right now, today, i'm sad. 

How far along? 24 weeks. about the length of an ear of corn.

Total weight gain: i'm at 160 so i think that makes 22 lbs.

Maternity clothes: yeah, mostly dresses and maxi skirts.

Sleep: um...it's been ok.

Symptoms: indigestion still. uncomfortable belly/rib area.

Favorite moment this week: on monday scarlett had a high fever all day (mom of the year that my favorite moment starts with that) and was very sleepy. we spent the day on my chair, her laying on my lap, talking about random things and reading and her sleeping. she didn't seem in pain at all so it was just so relaxing and so refreshing to just sit and talk and nap and read all day.

Hardest moment this week: when my dr told me i was dilated a little bit and was going to send me to L&D. i started tearing up right away. thankfully he's a very empathetic.

Looking forward to: getting past the next few weeks and into safer territory for our babies.

ambulance ride from barrington to park ridge

alex sleeping last night.

24 weeks today. that's the contraction monitor under my pretty gown.
also, i can't figure out why this photo is so squishy. oh well.

22 weeks

How far along? 22 weeks, yo.

Babies are: according to babycenter they are about the size of a spaghetti squash :) around 11 inches long. their heartbeats were both around 150 yesterday. baby girl is frank breech now and baby boy is still vertex. all their extremities are about in the same place tho so it is hard to know who is kicking me most of the time. they both gravitate to my right side. my cervix is now at 3.7. still within normal range. (that info is more for me than you. but there's probably a few of you that care about that) and my belly is measuring almost 30 weeks. not bad, not bad.

Maternity clothes? you guys a friend gave me two adorable everyday maternity dresses and my mom bought me some maternity clothes at a garage sale last week! i'm so excited. i'm definitely more in need of maternity clothes this time than i was with Scar.

Weight gain: 20 lbs. whoa. i'm at 158. i gained about 30 lbs with Scarlett throughout the whole pregnancy....and i haven't even reached the third trimester yet.

Favorite moment this week: Alex got to feel one of the babies kick on monday night for the first time! (again, their legs are pretty much in the same spot so right now i'm not totally sure who's who)
that was really exciting. i'm starting to feel them more and more and can sometimes see them kick/punch. i love every second of it.
also, i love when Scarlett corrects/reminds me that we do have names for the babies after she hears me tell someone we haven't named them yet. she will whisper insistently in my ear, "actually mom we do have names. DINOSAUR and STAR!"

Sleep: pretty good in general. this last week i did have a few very restless nights where i woke up exhausted and another night of laying awake for a couple hours. but thankfully those nights haven't been the norm recently.

Symptoms: a little bit of indigestion....just feeling so full after a meal, even if i barely eat anything. i get winded very easily. like going up the stairs. is this normal? i feel incredibly out of shape. which i guess makes sense since i lived on the couch for 3 months and i wasn't really into working out before i got pregnant haha. but seriously. my body gets tired pretty easily. peeing a lot. super itchy all over. especially my belly and legs and boobs. i'm rarely comfortable sitting. i'm rarely comfortable anywhere but my bed. but it will be better in about 3.5 months!

Cravings? no, not really.

Miss anything? being able to comfortably play with Scarlett on the floor or anywhere, any way. but i will be able to again soon! and wine. i love wine.

Looking forward to: naming these babies! with Scarlett we picked a few names and waited until she was born to name her. this time i want to name them now....or sooner rather than later at least. we are still deciding tho.

21 weeks 4 days 

scar wrote '22' almost all by herself

20 weeks

How far along? 20 weeks! i'm so happy. i guess they're like a banana now. or belgium endive.

Babies are: beautiful :) i had my level 2 scan yesterday (19w6d). both babies look excellent. baby boy (A) is now head down. i was super excited about that even tho i know they move all the time and he will probably be breech next appt! baby girl (B) is still transverse. she's pretty high up, too. they both weigh 13 oz and were measuring 20w2d.

Movement: yes! for the last few weeks i have felt the butterfly feelings but finally this week i have felt kicks and/or punches! still pretty light but i feel them pretty often. well, i have mostly felt baby boy...but since yesterday i have noticed baby girls kicks. this is my favorite and i sometimes cry from gratefulness that i am experiencing this one more time.

Total weight gain: 12 lbs. i'm at 150 now. i gained 5 lbs in 2 weeks.

Maternity clothes: i need to go shopping! first up, a belly band so i don't have to buy maternity jeans that i will never wear again. and more maxi skirts because i love them and will wear them forever. and i may buy a couple maternity tops....i'm gonna do some hardcore garage sale-ing.

a favorite moment this week: seeing our babies and hearing scarlett whisper in my ear "my baby sisterisso cute." and of course feeling their little kicks for the first time :)

a hard moment this week: *sigh* i feel that my cup has been pretty empty and i have nothing to give. i have been struggling with being needed. i have been feeling so needy recently that i have found myself feeling a bit resentful of being needed. but that's my issue that i need to deal with so i can better take care of my baby girl. i consistently struggle with taking care of myself and filling myself up so i can fill my family up. this week things have also been off with alex and i. no doubt it's all entangled. so the last couple weeks have been hard as far as all this goes. but in general things are good...and will get better as i prioritize myself more. i just need to figure out how to do that.

Sleep: oh sleep. a couple weeks ago my mom bought me a SNOOGLE (a pregnancy body pillow for those not familiar). it's seriously awesome. i'm so grateful she called me up to ask if i wanted to go shopping for bedding because she knew i was not sleeping well (she also bought us new sheets and a comforter! THANK YOU MOM!!!!). it really has made such a difference. i still get up to pee 2-3 times a night. or more like 5 or 6 if you count the multiple times i get up before actually falling asleep for the night. but i'm able to fall asleep again fairly quickly most of the time.

Symptoms: indigestion is a new one. still fatigued. i have a lot of pain by my upper ribs. baby girl is way up there and everything is majorly stretching and it hurts. i have to sit with a giant pillow behind my lower back most of the time cause if i'm hunched at all it hurts even more. it's just so funny how much sooner all this is happening this time around. i feel like i did later on in my third trimester with Scarlett. it's so different. at this point i felt so great....i don't think i even felt pregnant! now i have aches and pains and just wanna sleep all the time! but i honestly still love it. tho i'm happy to not do it again, i think :)

Cravings: still loving coffee....tho i only drink it occasionally. but otherwise no.

Miss anything? the warmer weather makes me want to drink white wine. i miss wine!

Looking forward to: finding some dressers so i can start collecting and getting baby clothes out and put away! i''m just so excited for all the baby prep.

scarlett was really into this picture, can you tell?

i love this because it was totally spontaneous. i was taking a pic of myself and she jumped in
with kisses right before the timer went off.

baby boy on the left with his arm over his head and baby girl's sweet profile on the right.
they're the coolest.

you guys. i already can't see my feet. 

and just for fun. an awkward pic of me at 20 weeks with Scar!

18 weeks

How far along? 18 weeks -- halfway there! according to my apps they are sweet potatoes and bell peppers.

Babies are: looking healthy :) we had an ultrasound yesterday (17w 6d) to check for signs of spina bifida. dr found no signs and said they both look excellent and told us we have no reason to worry. those are comforting words to hear. we also officially found out our babies genders! this tech at 14 weeks guessed that baby A was a boy (but of course it was really early and mostly a guess so we were still waiting...tho i was assuming he was a boy.) a different tech at my 16 week appt told me baby B was a boy. she sounded very confident so i believed her but she was also in a huge hurry (they had squeezed me in for this appt to check my cervix and i had already waited in the lobby for an hour.)...she was very rushed and shaking. so i did have my doubts but she was just so matter of fact about it, baby B was a boy.
so yesterday the MFM tech told us/showed us baby A is a BOY (!!!!! // she was the same one that guessed at 14 weeks) so we thought at that point we were having two boys until a few minutes later when she starts checking out baby B and says "hmm...what did they tell you baby B is?" lol we knew then that she was a GIRL! boy/girl twins :) exactly what i've imagined and wanted since before i got pregnant. it was a bit surprising to find out yesterday baby B was a girl tho since it had kinna seemed they were both boys for a couple weeks there. which i was honestly getting pretty excited about. i would love two boys. buuuut i really wanted another girl. i love having a daughter. just like i know i will love having a son. i really can't wait. alex was (is!) really excited about having one of each. he loves having a daughter and is super excited to have another one...and of course a son. he was genuinely really happy with the surprise of baby B being a girl.  aaaaand scarlett totally knew all along! during this last cycle of IVF before the transfer, alex and scarlett gave me the sweetest card and in it scar had drawn two babies "one girl baby and that's a boy baby" and ever since i got pregnant she has said there is one of each. even when i would tell her we didn't know yet. it has been so sweet. when i told her yesterday she was just like "yeah i know" LOL

so baby boy (yay no more A and B!) was measuring at 18w2d, 9 oz. and baby girl was at 17w6d, 7 oz. they are laying as if they're in bunk beds - heads on opposite ends.

Total weight gain: 7 lbs...i'm at 145 now.

Maternity clothes? officially yes. tho i have very little so i wear the same like 3 things over and over! the pants are the problem. i think i need to pick up a pair of maternity jeans.

Sleep: the last few nights have been better! i only wake once or twice and have been able to fall back asleep fairly quickly. but up until now sleep has been a huge struggle. and it's still not great.

Best moment this week: finding out for sure what we're having! i love knowing! and of course seeing that they at least look healthy.

Hardest moment this week: i donno guys. probably the beginning of the week when i was not sleeping well. being that tired makes everything harder.

Cravings: jelly beans + salads!

Miss anything? i miss being able to sleep on my tummy and back.

Symptoms: peeing a lot. tired tired tired. i definitely don't feel as great as i did at this point in my pregnancy with scarlett. but i guess that makes sense since this time i'm growing two babies and mothering a 3 yr old ;) what else? itchy belly and boobs...really itchy. that didn't really happen with scar either. but still no stretch marks! i don't have any from scarlett but i keep expecting to get them this time around. we'll see.

Looking forward to: getting ready for babies! i'm excited to bring all scar's baby stuff upstairs and look through her clothes and i have a tiny box of boy clothes that i had randomly started collecting last summer at garage sales - just in case ;) i love organizing and cleaning anyway so nesting is like my favorite thing ever.